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After another tumultuous month, Tony Abbott, the country’s former Prime Minister has today decided to turn things around.
For a couple of years, the Liberal Party’s Chief White Ant has confirmed that his life has been filled with negativity and conflict.
The conservative MP from Sydney’s Warringah Electorate told The Advocate today that enough is enough.
In an exclusive interview with our humble outback paper, the spiritual leader of the right faction of the Liberal Party explained that he has been struggling with his self esteem since Malcolm Turnbull rolled him in 2015.
“Ever since Malcolm did me over, I just have struggled with my confidence,” Abbott said.
“Sniping and undermining Malcolm were the only things that made me feel better about myself. So I began chasing that. Leaking whatever I could to the press. Saying I supported Malcolm before going on 2GB and talking shit. It just felt so good.”
However Abbott said that he is tired of living that way.
“I have been watching some inspirational videos on the computer, and talking to some of the important figures at Church, and I have decided that it’s time to get off the pity potty,” Abbott said.
“So I thought F45 would be the perfect thing to get me back on my feet and get my confidence back now that the smooth-talking gun for hire from Wentworth is on the way out.”
Abbott told us that he had his first F45 session this morning, and he is almost ready to start posting on social media and acting like he is better than everyone who doesn’t attend the fitness chain.
