ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In an unprecedented move, the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) has announced a new, innovative method for this year’s census.
The nation’s peak societal data collection service will be checking for invisible ink responses on the question about sexual orientation. The decision comes after concerns were raised that some respondents, particularly a niche group of men who “can’t host,” might struggle to provide accurate answers due to the constraints of their living arrangements.
The Advocate’s editor Clancy Overell explained to our reporter, with no context, that “can’t host” is a term most commonly seen on Grindr, a popular app for men who enjoy being out of the house, where users indicate whether they have a private space available for friends to come over. It’s a simple enough concept, unless, you’re a married, mortgage-stress enjoying, ostensibly knockabout bloke whose wife and kids are always home. For these men, ticking the box on their census form is akin to navigating a minefield.
“I just want to be honest about who I am, but not that honest,” said one Betoota resident, a 38-year-old married father of two who wished to remain anonymous.
“If the ABS thinks they’re going to get me to confess on paper that I’m sneaking out for some male companionship, they’ve got another thing coming. But if there’s a way to tick the box without actually ticking it, I’m all for it.”
Enter the invisible ink. The ABS has reportedly spent millions developing a proprietary, government-approved formula that can only be read under the specialised ultraviolet scanners they’ll be rolling out nationwide.
“We know there are certain, uh, delicate circumstances that might prevent people from being forthright on this matter,” said ABS spokesperson Cheryl Knox.
“This new method allows them to maintain their privacy while still contributing to the accuracy of the census data.”
As for those who can’t host, the relief is palpable.
“Errol, I’m just glad people in my situation aren’t invisible anymore. This is a game changer,” said another anonymous source.
“That being said, make sure you’re out of the boardroom by 5pm this afternoon. I’ve got a mate coming over to watch the game.”
More to come.
