ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In the middle of the Sunshine Beach Surf Club’s bustling lunch crowd, Nationals Leader David Littleproud has done what any good regional Queenslander would in times of turmoil, grabbed a prime spot on the balcony, ordered a mountain of prawns, sunk ten ice-cold schooners of Great Northern and wait for this all to blow over.
Our reporter caught up with Littleproud in the park out back, where he had been relegated for a lung lollie, thanks to the surf club’s woke smoking ban.
“Bloody joke, isn’t it,” he said, exhaling a cloud of smoke and gesturing at the nearby picnic table that served as the unofficial smoking area.
“Can’t even light up on the balcony anymore. How’s a man supposed to enjoy his prawns without a Peter Stuyvesant? You come here for a good time and end up standing in the dirt like a schoolkid sneaking behind the bike shed.”
Sporting a Compudose branded cap and a 15-year-old Country Road button-up, Littleproud looked every bit the politician off duty, though he wasn’t shy about sharing his frustrations.
“Mate, I’m here for the prawns, the schooners. Haven’t these bastards over there heard about Christmas? Fucken, you know, take a load off. Not a lecture about public health. They’re carrying on like I’m trying to light up in a maternity ward.”
When asked for his take on Peter Dutton’s latest move to declare he wouldn’t appear in front of the Aboriginal flag, Littleproud shrugged.
“Pete’s off doing Pete thing, but me, I’m just focused on drilling as many cold ones into me before dinner. Is there a better place in the world to do it? I don’t think so. I’m full of prawns, oysters, cold beer and nicotine. Get the dog up thee. That’s Shakespeare. That’s what people care about.”
With that, he flicked his cigarette onto the ground and rubbed it out with the sole of a thong, clapped our reporter on the back, and headed back to his prawns and beers, leaving behind the faint smell of smoke and a lesson in old-school Queensland pragmatism.
“Say ‘Hi’ to your mate Clancy for me. Dirty leftie he is. What’s he doing now? Probably hating Christmas and not drinking.”
More to come.
