DAVID GRONK | Finance| Contact
One of the nation’s largest private lenders to the Millennial generation has downgraded their profit forecasts for Q3 and Q4 this year amid a cooling property market and tumbling exports.
The Bank Of Mum & Dad [BMD], outlined by then-Treasurer Joe Hockey as the only financial institution able to help young people into home ownership, spoke to shareholders this morning in Sydney where they explained that moving forward in this economic climate would be challenging.
“Our investment portfolios are heavily geared to take advantage of the expanding property market, which has now started to slow so there will be some hits to profits this financial year,” said BMD chairman Spencer Alistair-Willmott Snr.
“However, analysts have tipped a resurgence in mineral projects. Gold and iron ore miners can expect a big year. While the volatility surrounding lithium mining bubbles as Elon Musk give’s than entire sector an unenthusiastic handjob, we can expect these new investments to offset those we’ve felt from the property market.”
Young homeowner and mortgagee, Grovenor Pearson-Collins, said that the initial $340 000 loan he took from BMD to pay a house deposit with late last year, is now on shaky ground.
In October, the 29-year-old finance worker, who works alongside but underneath his father at a major Australian investment bank after spending six years at Bond doing a business studies degree, used a loan from BMD to secure a mortgage – as per Joe Hockey’s instruction.
But now it all seems like that was for nothing, according to the downhearted go-getter.
“My house is now worth less than what I paid for it,” he said.
“How has this happened? Everybody said that my money could only go north on a property? Now the bank I’m lending from has come out and said that iron ore is the new property market! This is bullshit,”
“I had to beg, borrow and steal to get that loan from Mum & Dad over the line and now it seems all my efforts to grow as a human being have been made redundant by a cooling market,”
“Fuck you Mum & Dad! If you need me, I’ll be in Vale.”
More to come.
