LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A quaint if not overtly-religious wedding ceremony took a brief detour as best man Alex Poltorak (28) was given the onerous task of telling the wedding DJ that he is not God.
After a series of speeches that left the guests feeling like they would never be allowed to leave, wedding DJ Gavin Scott (33) began cranking out the hits with a few unexpected numbers that got the steadily tipsy crowd moving, even though the tunes weren’t on the bride and grooms incredibly strict playlist.
“Playlist, shmaylist,” stated DJ Gavin, demonstrating a blatant lack of how to disregard a concept within the current social culture.
“If they are so good at making playlists wouldn’t they be the wedding DJ? Haha, not!”
At approximately 8:30 pm, it is reported that bride Sarah Hughes told groom Phil Hughes that he better do something about the music or they were about to spend their first sexless night together as a married couple.
Relying on a man who once shaved a large chunk of his hair off, Phil asked his best man Alex Poltorak if he could remind the DJ that he is a person being paid to do a job and not an all-seeing deity with a divine plan for each of the guests.
Witness reports state best man Poltorak tried to appeal to the DJ’s humanistic side before remembering most DJs no longer see themselves as human but as an omnipotent and ever-present forces that know how people work and how some buttons on a mixing desk work.
“Mate? You wanna help someone get laid tonight? Make sure it’s the groom, put the fucking playlist back on and pull ya head in.”
