ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A doughy city worker spurred his ageing meat sack to life this morning around 8am, first taking a sip of the stagnant, four-day old water on his bedside table before firing up the phone for a wake up scroll.
As his brain’s bios menu flicked by and the operating system loaded, he noticed a notification from popular exercising/humble bragging platfrom Strava.
“I thought it was beckoning me to put my runners on and get going, you know, they do that,” said Mark Strett-Schmark, a 35-year-old corporate johnny with a VO2 max that rivals Clive Palmer’s.
“But we went out for beers last night. The older blokes, my bosses, all have kids and Thursday is their night. You know what they say, if you want to climb the corporate ladder, people above you need to like you. Corporate Australia is far from a meritocracy, you need to play the game,”
“And by play the game, I mean have 35 units of alcohol on a Thursday. Including 12 units at lunch, going back to the office for 3 hours, then continuing on the evening in the French Quarter beside the river somewhere.”
But as he opened Strava, Strett-Schmark discovered that fabled long-distance runner and popular long-haired yahoo Nedd Brockmann, of Forbes fame, had already covered some distance.
“Fuck,” said Strett-Schmark.
“160km on a Thursday is a fair bit.”
Strett-Schmark then discovered that Brockmann is planning to do this everyday the next 10 days or so, because he wants to be the fastest person on Earth to run 1000 miles. Which is about 1600km.
“Fair enough,” said Strett-Schmark.
“I might record my walk into work this morning for starters.”
More to come.
