ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The catchcry of many South Australians has been put under the microscope this week by the Federal Government and one of the key benefits of living in Adelaide has been found to be a fallacy.
For a number a years, people in Adelaide have often claimed that the city “has no traffic”, has “affordable real estate” and “supermarkets where teenagers pack shelves while wearing ties and black chinos”.
While the city does still have some affordable real estate and supermarkets where kids pack shelves wearing neckties and black chinos, Adelaide has terrible traffic jams.
“It’s a load of hot cock, it’s bullshit,” said the Government’s Federal Transport Secretary, Terry O’Shea.
“You could be stuck in a traffic jam for hours. It’s crazy to think people still believe this hogwash about Adelaide being easy to get around. You don’t know stress until you’re coming back to Adelaide Airport from McLaren Vale or somewhere with ‘Wine Country Fever’ (acute but mild alcohol poisoning) and you get off that pathetic goat track they call a highway and you end up getting dumped on Marion Road and the last little bit up to the Don’s Drive takes you over an hour,”
“It’s simply not true and South Australians need to be called out on it. The days of having no traffic in the nation’s exotic murder method capital are over. To cap it all off, I went to a fringe show with my wife yesterday night and it turned out to be a Simpsons-themed cabaret-type show. The ‘man’ playing Marge, his cock slipped out of his jocks doing a high kick. I spat resiling all over my pants and the lady’s hair in front of me,”
“Never have a seen such a thing. It chilled my blood. How you can have such a Tuscan, lovely vista during the day and a man dressed as Marge Simpson, flashing his genitals at you by night. South Australia is a bizarre place.”
The Advocate reached out to the South Australian Government for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
