ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
An in-depth and comprehensive study undertaken by the CSIRO has concluded that the fashion industry, on the whole, serves no purpose.
In the report, the nation’s peak scientific authority detailed that close to 90% of what happens at fashion shows is merely there to entertain our nation’s ‘bored bourgeois’.
Speaking to the media this morning from their home in Canberra, Australia’s least-fashionable city, CSIRO spokesperson Hyacinthe Redblade said that after taking all facets of the industry, the only reasonable conclusion was that it’s ‘fucking pointless’ and ‘largely redundant to the lives of everyday people’.
“Some of the shit you see [at fashion shows] is pretty crook,” they said.
“If nobody in their right fucking mind would wear it, then why are we looking at it? So we can pat some gronk with a shit haircut and a Prahran drawl on the back?”
“We studied the fashion industry for about a week, we had FTV on Austar playing in the staffroom the whole time. No self-respecting scientist here could be caught dead in any of the shit we saw,”
“If you know what purpose the fashion industry serves, please keep it to yourself because nobody fucking cares.”
The popular researcher then called an end to the press conference before saying the next tax-payer-funded study will be into why Channel Seven is so racist.
More to come.
