ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A soft but widely audible ‘fuck’ poured out of Isabelle Rutland’s mouth this morning, just past 10 am local time, as the Australia Stock Exchange opened after widespread panic selling in New York overnight.
The young inventor had anticipated things would be bad – but not this bad.
Speaking to our reporter this morning via an end-to-end encrypted messenger service, the 28-year-old mergers and acquisitions specialist at Bell Potter South Betoota (the McDonalds of private wealth management) said that she’s not panicking herself just yet but things are only looking down from here.
“My portfolio is more diverse than an album of stock images,” she said.
“And still. I’m haemorrhaging money. The losses have been lead in the most part by my tech holdings. Small-cap miners are junk. You might as well sell them and buy something that’ll bring me joy,”
“Everything is fucked. If I had cash, I’d buy more. But I don’t. Fuck this fucking market. Fuck Donald Trump and his tiny dick war with China. Fucks sake. It’s killing me.”
Watching this all unfold from the other side of the windowless cubicle farm on the fourteenth floor of South Betoota’s Rochester Building was Doug Marsen.
Doug doesn’t have any savings and he lives month to month like some sort of overgrown teenager.
The Advocate spent a few short minutes discussing what he was witnessing.
“God Isabelle is in a foul mood today,” he laughed.
“Wonder what’s gotten her goat this morning. Anyway. Some days she’s realy chipper. Some days she’s not. How weird is that?”
“I’m just starting to feel normal again after the weekend. We’ve got the team coming up from the Melbourne office this afternoon so needless to say I’ll be passing out on the floor of some French Quarter hotel room in about 16 hours time,”
“We get paid next week so I need to make some room in my account for it [laughs] Have a good one, guys. Message me later if you’re out.”
More to come.
