INGRID DOULTON | Local News | Contact
There’s not a person who’d believe that Dennis Rutland had a packet of Snickers Pods for breakfast this morning – most only would if they saw it.
But he did and that’s far from the worst thing he’s shovelled into himself in the hours after first light.
By any measure, today was just like any other day for young Dennis.
The 32-year-old professional cobbler said a cheerful farewell to Stella, his 9-year-old partially-blind and grimly-incontinent Pekingese bitch, then pulled the door of his Betoota Heights studio apartment shut.
Speaking uncomfortably candidly to our reporter this morning at the D45 Bus Stop on Jones Avenue, Rutland said he was growing tiresome of hearing about the drought – because it hasn’t rained on his farm in almost exactly ten years.
“The last time I had sex was the night Steve Hooker won gold in the high jump at the Beijing Olympics,” he said, to a complete stranger.
“That was the 23rd of August 2008. It’s now the 14th of August 2018. You do the math. So don’t talk to me about droughts. It hasn’t rained on my back paddock wild oats since my third year of college,”
“And to make it worse, I told one mate about it and then suddenly everybody knew about it. They even make jokes about Hooker, saying I should visit a hooker. I’m not one to judge but I’m just not that type of person. The irony isn’t lost on me, however.”
Our reporter smiled politely until the next bus came, which wasn’t even the right bus, but she got on anyway.
More to come.
