LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
Clerical assistant Nina Barnes (25) believed herself to have an iron will but has ultimately tripped at the first hurdle and joined in at work drinks on just day six of Dry July.
When office pisshead Alex Noble (43) dished out the afternoon drinks he mistakingly poured a dry white for Barnes, forgetting she was doing Dry July. Hesitating momentarily, Barnes discretely accepted the drink after precisely four seconds of inner-turmoil.
“No I can’t, I…ah, just give it here. Thanks,” said the disgraced former humanitarian.
Witnesses state Barnes initially tried to hold her wine covertly under her desk but was eventually caught out by sales leader Karen Clarke, who was dirty about it considering she had supported Barnes by donating a fiver.
“I’m asking for it back! I don’t donate to quitters!” she slurred from the bottom of her fourth merlot.
After being caught out, Barnes decided that seeing as she’d already cocked up Dry July, she might as well help herself to another couple of glasses tonight just to make sure any cravings are out of her system for the rest of the month.
“I’ll just make sure I don’t drink on August 1st so I will have still done a month sober. That’s a Wednesday so it should be easy.”
Not wanting to crumble to the social pressure of drinking and the niggling sense that everything will be ok after one sip of cool white wine, Barnes has hatched plans to make sure she does not have a drink again this July.
“From now on, on non-week nights I’m just going to just take some sleeping pills and play ASMR videos over the speakers. If I don’t do that I might actually end up drinking furniture cleaner.”
“I made a commitment and I’m going to stick to it to raise money for cancer or whatever it is.”
