EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
In some breaking news, The Advocate can reveal that Kate Middleton is, in fact, alive and well, and has actually been at home in her taxpayer-funded palace this entire time.
This comes after Kate was last seen on December 25, as she accompanied King Charles III, her husband Prince William, and their three children—Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis,—for the traditional stroll to Sandringham Church for the Christmas morning service.
Public curiosity about her location has predictably intensified the last few days, as social media platforms have been rife with fresh conspiracy theories emerging almost daily, attempting to decipher her absence, which was made all the more worse after Kate (or someone pretending to be Kate) uploaded a family portrait to Kate’s Instagram that showed signs of Photoshop.
However, after speaking to a royal source, who happens to be a distant relative of Clancy Overall’s second wife, The Advocate has learned that Kate has simply decided to ‘take a break from the public eye’, and is said to be relishing the opportunity to have a bad hair day for once.
“Yeah she’s just watching a lot of TV”, said the source, “honestly, she doesn’t have to do shit.”
“She’s already married to the prince. She can opt out of anything at this point.”
“There’s no way the royal family are going to go to the trouble of having another princess of Wales killed and upgraded. They nearly didn’t recover from the last time they did that.”
More to come.
