ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Out-of-work chungus Bruce Lehrmann has been living off a different variety of taxpayer dollars recently as he looks to begin an expensive appeal on the result of his defamation trial against Network 10.
Bruce launched this appeal after the judge in said defamation trial ruled in favour of Network 10, finding on the balance of probabilities that Lehrmann raped a female colleague at Parliament House.
In Sydney yesterday, lawyers for Big Chungus argued that he’s done his arse so bad that in order to generate an income, he will have to join OnlyFans and sell images of his supple body in erotic poses.
“My client is unemployable, therefore, he can only survive by doing something silly, such as sell topless photos of himself on the internet,” said one lawyer.
This latest development proves that a Canberra-based public servant will do anything but actually work for money.
For reprobates such as Mr Chungus, there are a variety of employment options available. The first step for many ex-prisoners and other people with a personal history that makes employers think twice, is to get a white card.
A white card is called many other things there days but a white card holder is permitted to work on a construction site, usually in entry-level jobs such as labouring.
Local volume builder, Manny Deefeckts of Hotondo Betoota Heights, said he would have that “chode” on the end of a broom before he knew what end to hold.
“You think that Ozempic is good for shedding the kilos, wait ’til you run 10 cubes of bricks up a steep driveway in Betoota Heights,” he said.
“In November, on the edge of the Simpson Desert. For $25 an hour, cash. Or having to hold your breath and chuck blue asbestos in the foundations of a garage before we concrete over it. Or wait until we put him on the broom out in the sun all day then yell at him when he wants a break. Or, you know, he comes on site and we relentlessly bully him until he explodes,”
“I’ve employed hundreds of people like him. He’s not above anything. We’ll have him breaking shit up and throwing it in a skip five days a week all summer. He’ll look like Ronnie Coleman by Anzac Day, or your money back!”
More to come.
