LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
The final nail has been driven into the coffin of a long-standing friendship of individuals in their mid-thirties, as the least accomplished of the group, Shannon Matheson (35), suggested on the group chat “Let’s go camping.”
The group chat in question features eight high school friends, who sparsely make loose plans to catch up for a drink, share the odd baby photo and make jokes about the last time they were all together over ten years ago.
It was during one lighthearted assertion that it’s “bin 2 long” since they’d all seen each other that Matheson took a bold and uncalculated leap of faith and suggested they should spend a weekend of their life camping together.
After being ‘seen’ by no less than three group chat members, Jonathan Hooper (36) was the first to make it clear this idealistic dream was never going to happen.
“Can’t mate, need my sleep apnea machine most nights these days.”
From there it has been reported the excuses from fellow group-chaters increased at an alarming rate.
“I usually need to help with the kid’s sport most weekends mate.”
“Don’t think I’d be able to get the time off.”
“Haha, nup.”
Disappointed in his friend’s commitment to adulthood, Matheson proceeded to spend his week binge drinking every evening, a change in his routine of binge drinking every weekend.
“It’s fucked they all have shit to do with their wives and their kids, can’t even make time to sink piss in a national park with me. Thought we were mates?”
Matheson claims he is going to find new friends, despite living in a country town where he already knows everyone his age and as a 35-year-old man in the 21st century, has no real way of meeting new people.
Concerned about Matheson’s wellbeing, Hooper hopes his pal is able to keep himself together without needing to resort to spending a night in a tent with a group of men who have outgrown him.
“I still want him in my life sure. I want him to meet my kids so they can see what happens if you spend year 12 trying to get drunk all the time.”
