ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights couple is today grappling with the fallout of an ill-informed decision to adopt an orange tabby cat, after mistakenly believing it would bring chill and comedic vibes to their shitbox apartment.
Kylie and Brad Tennant, both 32, made the fateful choice after a recent trip to the Betoota Heights Hoyts. The couple had planned to see Moana 2, but due to an apparent mix-up by the stoned projectionist, the audience was instead treated to a screening of this year’s Garfield movie.
“We were halfway through the lasagna song before we realized this wasn’t a Pixar short,” said Kylie.
“But honestly, it was kind of fun. Garfield just seemed so relatable and laid-back, like the kind of cat that would vibe with us. Garfield would smoke weed.”
With this newfound enthusiasm for sarcastic, pasta-loving felines, the couple adopted Milo, an orange tabby with a scruffy coat and a faraway look in his eyes.
However, within hours of arriving at his new home, Milo proved to be less Garfield and more feral cat. Since then, he has destroyed three sets of blinds, knocked over a flat-screen TV, and turned a decorative ficus into his personal litter tray.
“We thought we were getting a funny little Garfield type who’d nap and crack wise,” said Brad, visibly exhausted.
“Instead, we’ve got a guerilla separatist who looks like he’s running a 24-hour meth lab in his head.”
Animal experts estimate Milo’s cognitive function to be roughly equivalent to a Casio A158WA-1, which tracks, given his erratic energy levels and total lack of self-awareness.
More to come.
