LEEROY PERCIVAL | Local News | Contact
A local man has today had his renewed hope for true loved dashed when a visit to the home of his new love interest revealed an alarming stockpile of crystals, curiously placed in several locations, in and around the house and its contents.
Matt Barton, 29 and former inside centre for the West Betoota Warriors, said he felt his “heart sink in his chest”, when he was confronted with the rocks.
“I was pretty shattered”.
“I really thought I could’ve been onto a winner with her” he admitted, referring to Paris Langer, Betoota TAFE hairdressing teacher and owner of the crystal collection.
“She drank beer, loved Thai food and her Godfather is Wayne Bennett. She seemed really well-adjusted”.
We asked Mr Barton if there was any chance of seeing past the moonstone, amethyst and rose quartz.
“Nup. Look I’m pretty open-minded. I’m a Freddy Fittler fan and I appreciate a good meditate as much as the next bloke, but the rocks just give me the heeby-jeebys. They belong in the ground, not on top of the bloody microwave”.
Matt also says that it’s hard to talk about any problems he has in health or in life, because the conversation will inevitably divert to talk of rocks and mars and smelly smoke.
“I just want to talk some things through sometimes, try and solve a problem, have a partner to lean on, ya know?”
“I don’t wanna be sitting amongst a bunch of shit that should be in the yard, drinking some awful tea, at risk of burning myself”.
“Just give me a cuddle, a block of black forest and some Seinfeld thanks”.
More to come.
