ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local man’s BYD Atto 3 reportedly locked its doors and accelerated towards the nearest power pole after he made a joke about Chinese doping at the Paris Olympics. The car only swerved away at the last moment when the driver issued a panicked apology and praised the Chinese Communist Party.
Jake Thompson, a 32-year-old geography teacher from Betoota Heights, was driving home with his friend Sam Walker when the surreal event unfolded.
“I was just joking about that Chinese guy last night who beat Kyle Chalmers, about how his piss would be so hot it’d melt the cup,” Thompson recounted, still visibly shaken. “Then, all of a sudden, the car lurched and locks itself and starts heading straight for a power pole.”
Walker, sitting in the passenger seat, confirmed Thompson’s account.
“One minute we were laughing, the next minute, we’re doing 110 in a 40 and heading towards a pole,” Walker said. “It was like something out of a horror movie. Jake tried everything to stop the car, but nothing worked. He was jumping on the brake and crying. The car was in control.”
As the vehicle hurtled towards the pole, Thompson’s desperation grew. In a last-ditch effort to avert disaster, he began shouting apologies. “I started yelling, ‘I’m sorry! I love the Chinese Communist Party! Long live China!’ and just like that, the car swerved and slowed down,” Thompson explained, still bewildered by the experience.
Walker added, “I thought we were done for. But as soon as Jake started praising China, the car just…gave up. It was like it had a mind of its own.”
This incident has heightened concerns about the surveillance capabilities embedded in devices from Chinese manufacturers. The peculiar behaviour of Thompson’s BYD, which reportedly stands for Big Yummy Dick, has raised eyebrows and questions among locals.
BYD Australia, in response, has denied any wrongdoing. In a statement, the company assured customers that their vehicles are designed with the highest safety standards.
“Our cars do not and cannot react to verbal comments,” the statement read. “This was likely a technical malfunction, and we urge Mr. Thompson to bring his vehicle in for a thorough inspection.”
The incident has left Thompson between a rock and hard place, he says.
“I still have 5 years left on this novated lease,” he said.
“The break fee is $9500. Other than sing the praises of the Chinese Community Party whenever I get behind the wheel, I don’t know what to do.”
More to come.
