Local Man’s Virtual Cowboy Has Been Eating Far Better Than Him This Week

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Even when he’s not riding through the many vistas with the Van der Linde gang, a local leasing agent is thinking about it.

With the release of Red Dead Redemption 2 this week, Betoota Heights man Sam Poole has let the open-world western-themed shoot ’em up consume his entire being.

So much so, he says, that he’s only really eaten freeze-dried noodles this week and washed it down with coffee and grey market cigarettes.

“All the while, Arthur is enjoying hearty home cooked meals, paddock to plate game such as deer and jackrabbits. He’s eating like a Persian Prince compared to me!” he told our reporter.

“Mate, I’ve been eating like I’m back at university living on youth allowance issued to me by a Liberal government. The first few mouthfuls of Mi-Goreng are nice but downing a triple pack in a salad bowl at 1am on a Tuesday isn’t how I thought my 30s would go down,”

“Bottom line is I’m having fun, anyway. Living alone and being single means you can do what you want, when you want. And this is all I want to do now.”

Concerned for 32-year-old’s health, our reporter walked down to the føtex in the Betoota Heights Stocklands and bought him some chicken sausages and a kilo of oranges.

More to come.