ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Arriving in Brisbane earlier today for a long weekend of extended fun with old friends, local man Dennis Pogo set about finding something he’s only heard about in whispers back home.
Friends have told him that in the big city, you can ask people working at tobacconists, convenience shops, and newsagencies if they stock any grey-market cigarettes.
The term ‘Chinese Breathmints’ is frequently used by those who indulge in bootleg nicotine, and today, the 32-year-old smash repairer said it didn’t take him long to find a fresh pack of Double Happiness cigarettes at a West End NightOwl shop.
Dennis told our reporter that he paid just $20 for them and that he’d be going back for more before he flies back to our cosmopolitan desert community on Sunday evening.
“They’re pretty rough,” he said.
“I lit one up and went for a cruise around West End on a Lime Scooter, but I had to stop after a hundred meters because of the head spins. I nearly ended up under a bus. I’ve only had two, and I reckon I’m done for the day. They’re good value, but I can see myself going through these quickly when I’m out drinking with the boys this weekend.”
When asked by our reporter if he was prepared for the hangover that often accompanies a night of binge drinking, rampant and reckless abuse of Chinese breathmints and bottom-of-the-pyramid narcotics, Dennis said he was somewhat prepared.
“I’ve heard they add a new dimension to a hangover. Like how some people complain about feeling sick after having two bottles of white wine over lunch. A night on the XPA cans and Double Happiness smokes, and they’d be banging on the door of emergency down at Princess Alex. I’m ready. I’m ready to feel like I’m hollow, with extremely low blood sugar, hearing my pulse in my ears, and feeling my thick, syrup-like blood being forced through my brain by a heart that’s working a triple shift. My lungs will look like garbage bags. That’s the good stuff.”
More to come.
