ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Victorian man has learned today about the existence of the magpie goose, a combination of the country’s most antisocial birds that live across the Top End.
The magpie goose is an extremely mean-spirited bird, during nesting seasons, and will chase unsuspecting Queenslanders and Territorians without mercy. Often over hundreds of metres. There’s also millions of them.
Though part of the developing world, the State of Victoria is making leaps and bounds in their pursuit to catch up with the rest of the country when it comes to literacy, numeracy and culture. One young go-getter is Melbourne man Jeremy ‘Jez’ Goink, who has used the internet down there to learn about the world beyond the Murray River.
The 35-year-old hunter, gatherer and amateur forager spoke to The Advocate via landline telephone this afternoon about his recent discovery of magpie geese.
“Incredible,” he said.
“We have magpies and geese in Victoria. In fact, a lot of people survive down here by eating animals they shoot or trap. Things haven’t been easy recently, so I’ve been going down to St Kilda on the tram with a big net and I catch seagulls to eat. My freezer is full of them, winter will be easier this year,”
“While it might be tough down here, I really feel for the people up there in the more enlightened parts of the country, like Cairns and Darwin. Magpie geese would freak me out. Do they hiss like a goose and do the funky gurgle like magpies? Fuck that. How big are they?”
Our reporter indicated they could grow up to the size of a Volkswagen Golf, the preferred mode of transport for the typicaly huffy Victorian boy.
“Christ alive,” said Jez.
“I hope you didn’t hand your guns back. You’d need them!”
More to come.
