ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man who’s motivated to change his ways but not disciplined enough to actually do anything about it has confirmed to The Advocate today that he prefers injecting an illicit appetite suppressant into his body rather than simply walking places and eating unprocessed foods.
Josh ‘Juice’ Jug, a youth-oriented content producer, purchased an Ozempic-like drug from the Chinese e-commerce platform Temu last month and has been injecting himself using the syringes provided by the manufacturer.
Ozempic, or “the liquid lap band,” is a medication primarily used to manage type 2 diabetes. It’s typically administered as a once-weekly injection and is often prescribed alongside diet and exercise to help control blood sugar levels in adults with type 2 diabetes.
However, the drug is abused by some in the community who use it for cosmetic purposes.
Despite being a reasonably healthy 28-year-old man, Juice said he’s not willing to make any changes to his current diet or introduce even the most basic of exercise regimes. In his own words, Juice Jug wants results without any of the work.
“I need to shift a few kilos, not many, maybe like 20 or 30,” he said.
“I came across this Ozempic replacement because, as we all know, it’s impossible to find now. Especially if you’re just a couch sitter who wants to look good in photos. I found it on the internet. I clicked on an ad where it looked like David Koch from Sunrise was being arrested by federal agents. They said he had found the secret to weight loss but the government was shutting him down.”
“They said it was like Ozempic, only much cheaper and made in a dark laboratory in Southeast China. Ozempic is made in Denmark, wherever the hell that is, so I didn’t think it was much different.”
Our reporter asked Juice if he knew what he was injecting into himself, and he nodded.
“Of course,” he said.
As he said that, his watch beeped. He looked down at his 3-year-old Scottish Fold, Mr Tinsel, and smiled.
“It’s choc top time!” he said.
Juice walked to the freezer and came back with three ice creams, handing one to our reporter.
“Here you go, Mr Tinsel,” he said.
Juice held the cone for the cat, who began furiously licking the treat.
“He loves these, mate. Go on, have a bite. We’ll wrap this up later.”
More to come.
