ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Member for Griffith is making his way back to South Brisbane this week on a $119 Anko mountain bike he got on Facebook Marketplace for $30 and a can of Pepsi Max.
Not wanting to find himself in a compromising position like the Prime Minister has found himself in recent days, Max Chandler-Mather is pedalling slowly through Yass this afternoon in the blazing Hume sunshine.
The second youngest Member of the House spoke to The Advocate via payphone from the Yass IGA carpark around lunch time today to share the news that spirits are currently high.
“Look, I just don’t want to get involved in that kind of stuff,” he said.
“Qantas has engaged in some reprehensible conduct recently so I cannot support them. Virgin is owned by a Mormon hedge fund run by Mitt Romney. REX, they can’t help me anymore. I’m not getting the train, I don’t want to get robbed in my sleep on the XPT like I was last time. Some kid is running around Kyogle with my Casio G-Baby on his wrist right now. They even took the shoes off my feet. They were just $49 gusset boots from the Tarocash in Canberra Airport! I woke up coming into Roma Street with nothing in my pockets, no shoes, no hat, no watch and my luggage was gone. Never again! The friendly town my fucking arse!”
“I’d get the bus but last time, I got stuck next to someone who was quite obviously mentally ill from Cameron Park outside of Newcastle to Kingscliff, near the Gold Coast. I was ready to rip my ears off. They also nearly cleared the bus out when they took their shoes off. Never again! Fuck the bus. Also, that guy hogged all the internet watching blue movies on his phone. Never again!”
After a number of bad experiences getting home, Chandler-Mather (or ‘Chandy’ (pronounced ch-andy) as he’s known to his boys back home) considered buying a car but ultimately decided against it.
“I just don’t get cars,” he said.
“Why drive somewhere when you can ride?”
More to come.
