Meet The 18-34 Year Olds That Agree With Lock-Out Laws, According To Fairfax

1 September 2016

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

According to an exclusive Fairfax poll, majority of NSW voters say the controversial “lockout” laws in Sydney’s centre should be extended across the state, and three-quarters of young people support support extending the 1.30am “lockout” and 3am last drinks in force across Kings Cross and parts of the CBD to the rest of the state.

However, many statisticians and maths professionals have spoken out against the wild findings, stating that the only people surveyed were done so on landline phone calls – rendering them completely out of touch with society.

USyd Maths professor, Dr Brian Vo says that Fairfax shouldn’t be the organisation in charge of sourcing these findings, especially when considering that they have been selling ads in their newspapers based off the fact that they were able to ‘create the lock-out laws’ in the first place. (www.newsmediaworks.com.au/enough-is-enough/)

“It seems like a conflict on interest,” says Dr Vo.

“They are selling themselves as a campaign agency essentially – and on top of that they are now force-feeding grandmothers warped statistics that suggest they were on the right the right side of history when they invented the word ‘coward punch’ and sold their souls to CBD property developers.”

However, despite the criticisms of unlawful conduct and manipulated statistics by the NSW state government – as well as their close friends at Fairfax news – The Betoota Advocate has made a point of contacting some of these respondents from the 18-34 year old demographic, just to be sure.

We spoke to Clarence (18) a former Real Estate agent who, for whatever fucking reason, decided to retire in Kings Cross five years ago.

“As a young person, I am very relieved to see Kings Cross filled with 24-hour-gyms and juice bars. When I first moved here, it was really annoying to hear all those discotechs blaring until the early hours.”

Clarence says the idea that young people need to socialise and listen to music on their weekend’s is simply archaic, and as young person he has plenty of fun in his spare time. Clarence’s interests include playing golf at the Royal Sydney golf club and covertly donating large sums of money to One Nation.

Another respondent, Wendy (24), also from Sydney’s inner-east says the lock-out laws have restored her faith in the power of God.

“I knew Mr Baird would be the one to fix this broken city. I used to shudder when I would see all these unwed young women walking around my suburb wearing mini-skirts after dark,” she says.

“Not to mention all of the blacks,”

Another Potts Point resident, Bruce (20) says young people who complain about lock-out laws have no idea about life in the city.

“Anyone who criticises this government for their actions has no clue about the perils faced by those who decided to buy three negatively geared terrace houses in Darlinghurst ten years ago.”

“It’s about time. All of these bearded homeless people out on my streets… Get rid of them I say,”

Fairfax news has refused to respond to our requests for comment about warped statistics, but have inquired whether or not we want to advertise on their dwindling newspapers, before providing us with a portfolio outlining their ‘Enough Is Enough’ campaign – a hysterical series of front pages that brought about the lock out laws.