ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Melbourne’s move to ban shared e-scooters from the CBD has sparked a lot of conversation, especially as it follows a surge in injuries and complaints. The ban is expected to take effect soon, with the contracts of Lime and Neuron, the providers of about 1,500 e-scooters, set to be cancelled. The decision comes after concerns about safety, with the city recording a significant number of e-scooter-related accidents, including some fatalities. The ban will not affect privately owned e-scooters, but the council’s action highlights the growing frustration with how the shared scooters have been managed, from riders breaking rules to devices being abandoned like litter across the city.
Since they popped up on the streets of the nation’s cultural heart, local teenagers have been taking part in the great Melbourne pass time of throwing share scooters and share bikes into the majestic Yarra River. Now that those days are over, here are some alternatives:
- Their Myki Card
Apparently nobody checks them and when they do, it’s only to low socio-economic areas so if you’re rich enough to ride a share scooter, throw your Myki card in river because it’s no use to you.
- Used car batteries
Notoriously hard to get rid of ethically, throwing your old car batteries into the Yarra River in the dead of night is the easiest and cheapest way to dispose of such a pesky household item.
- Used motor oil
Also very annoying to get rid of and neighbours often get upset when they see people pouring the sickly black sludge into a park drain. The best practice is to make a small hole in the container before throwing it off the bridge to help it either remain neutrally buoyant or sink.
- Household gargabe
Waiting all week for the garbage to come can be troublesome, especially when you make a normal amount of rubbish for a family which often can’t fit into the stupid, left-wing bins that most inner-city councils give you. A simple solution is to throw the excess rubbish into the Yarra River.
- Someone’s motorbike
If you’re out with some well-built footy players than enjoy a practical joke, there’s nothing funnier than picking up someone’s motorbike or scooter and carrying it to the end of the Yarra and chucking it in. Often, these things are comprehensively insured so it’s a win-win prank that only hurts dickhead insurance companies.
With these top five options, the Yarra River will continue to serve as Melbourne’s unofficial junkyard.
More to come.
