ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Cometh the Man, Cometh the Hour.
After years of working to improve his hometown through various forms of mild corruption and fraud, the disgraced former Wagga MP stands to become the unlikely savior of the Commonwealth Games.
The Andrews Government announced this morning that they’re going back on their promise to hold the 2026 Commonwealth Games in regional Victoria, which is nothing short of disgraceful and un-Australian.
It has left the organizers scrambling to find a new venue, one that’s willing to spend billions of dollars to host the ALDI Olympics and wish for nothing much in return. However, if you were to moderately lower one’s expectations of what the Commonwealth Games looks like, the City of Wagga Wagga has the answers. Maguire, once touted as the Father of Modern Wagga, used his James Bond-esque powers of deceit, deception and raw sexual energy to ensure that the people of his Riverina home wanted for nothing.
Wagga has the ability to host every event that the Commonwealth Games have to offer. The town even has a 400m velodrome for some reason. It might be outdoor, but a velodrome is a velodrome. The Bill Jacob Athletics Centre has a nice hill for people to sit on and watch the athletes run around. There’s a canteen for refreshments. There are plenty of ovals and parks for the cricket and hockey games. They might be a bit bush league, but they’ll do. For lawn bowls, it’s not a matter of how they will do it – but a matter of where. There are two or three bowling clubs to choose from. The bowlers could even have a few schooners during the event. Beach volleyball? There’s the Wagga Beach. Look it up.
Instead of an athletes’ village, just let them be billeted out to locals. Some could stay at the many hotels and motels. Think of the life experience and memories, say the British cycling team would have after spending 15 days living with Bruce and Gayle from Bourkelands. Prince Edward or King Charles would obviously be resting their heads at the Carlyle, which is deep in the heart of the town’s apartment district. That’s if they could even be bothered coming out for them. But for visiting dignitaries, there’s no finer place than the Carlyle. If you ask them nicely at the desk, they will let you smoke out the window of your suite. A rare treat in this day and age.
The hubris of Darryl Maguire and his amoral panache could save the Commonwealth Games, if you let it.
More to come.
