ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A magic man who has fallen on hard times says he uses his supernatural abilities to see into people’s homes to see if they’re there.
It’s a particularly useful sense, says former pub magician Dennis Groole, for his new line of work.
“When this virus came to town, they shut all the pubs and I was out of the job,” he said.
“But that lead to the boom in online shopping and a bunch of new courier jobs came up so I jumped in. I have this ability to tell whether someone is at home when I drive up to their house. Even if their car is in the driveway, I can just tell if they’re there or not,”
“Which is really handy because there’s nothing worse than getting out of the aircon, getting barked at in the blazing sun by some dog. Knocking on the door and nobody is at home. Thankfully, I’ve never experienced that frustration,”
“So most of the time, I just write up a collection card and throw it on the front lawn or most of the time, I don’t even stop. I can usually tell if they’re at home if they’re, for example, out the front watering the lawn and they flag me down. Those ones are easy but if they aren’t out the front, it can be hard to tell if someone is actually home. I don’t know, it’s a gift, I guess.”
However, many local e-customers dispute Mr Goole’s comments, saying they’re out for his blood.
One Betoota Heights gentleman, who asked not to be named, said he’s had multiple parcel couriers drive on by without knocking or leaving the parcel.
“I’ve had those bastards sneak up and leave a note on my doormat, I’ve had them throw parcels over the fence and break things. It’s got me fucked that they can’t just do what’s required. How are is it?”
“I thought they’d be keen as hell to empty the van out but apparently not.”
More to come.
