ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Reserve Bank has issued a dire warning to the useless bags of human feces curdling in the summer sun that don’t own a slice of the Australian Dream yet that now that the market has slightly cooled, now is the time to get in.
Speaking to a group of fat old rich cunts with their guts hanging over the belts in some airconditioned ballroom in Sydney, the puppet organisation’s political figurehead Philip Lowe said the young people of Australia need to stand up before the government is forced to pump property prices up even higher with mass migration.
“I know the media like to whip up hysteria when it comes to property but if you miss out, you will fucking hate yourself,” he said.
“There’s a lot of people in this country who’ve leveraged the Green Christ out of themselves to get a property portfolio up. If we let the prices go down, they’re fucked. If they’re fucked then the banks are fucked and if the banks are fucked then the country is fucked. It’s trickle up misery,”
“Which is why we need the young people, of property-owning Boomers especially, to put their nuts on the anvil next to their Dad’s nuts and let the hammers of life go clang,”
“If you don’t have the luxury of having nice rich parents then honestly, the best thing for you would be this Taiwan flashpoint explode into all-out war. If you don’t get bayonetted by a Chinese teenager in some oilfield in Azerbaijan in the winter of 2024, then maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a soldier-settler off-the-plan Meriton paper box in some unserviced, boiling hot fuckhole of an outskirt suburb in Adelaide,”
“Like real estate, fortune favours the brave so make sure you’re the one doing the stabbing. Affordable housing will follow,”
“So, get in now. Buy buy buy. Don’t miss out. Pay your stamp duty. Keep the economy going. You can do it.”
The Advocate reached out to the Treasurer’s Office for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
