ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Federal Government, in partnership with the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO), has announced that the “terror threat level” is being raised to “probable” in response to the current grim economic forecast that’s got everyone feeling down.
Everything is expensive and making money is hard. A recipe for a largely unhappy people and cause for them to consider their options at the next election. Though the prospect of things improving under Treasurer Angus Taylor and the Liberal National Coalition is laughable, the fact that things have only gotten worse has caused stranger things to happen.
With nothing nice on the horizon for most people, the government has done the right thing by transferring those fears from economic ruin and financial doom to fears that they might be caught up in some sort of evil terrorist attack – or tragic mental health episode depending on what race the perpetrator is.
“You might be about to default on your mortgage,” said Prime Minister Anthony Albanese today in Canberra.
“But we have reason to believe a terrorist attack is probably going to happen. So I would be more worried about that because when you suddenly become suspicious of your Muslim neighbours, you start to forget about how many negative figures you’re seeing when you open your Netbank,”
“When you combine racial and religious tensions with property-based classism, you have a recipe for a distracted and afraid people. I mean, uh, as we saw in the 1990s and early 2000s. Fear can gloss over a lot of things, things that would’ve dumped the Howard Government at any of those elections.”
Mr Albanese continued after taking some questions from friendly media.
“You will see that whenever we face tough economic headwinds, we raise the terror threat level. You know, it covers out arse, really. It probably won’t happen because terrorism is very UnAustralian. But if it does, we can say we told you this would happen. All the while, you’re distracted from our unsophisticated, breathless economy flapping and gasping to death like a carp thrown up a riverbank. But we’ve just had essentially 30 years of LNP government and you’re turning around and blaming me? Go touch some grass.”
More to come.
