ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
It is a question that’s long remained in the back of each parent’s mind when they sit down to watch the nation’s greatest export, Bluey, with their kids.
Bandit is an archaeologist, a profession not exactly known to be lucrative. Honourable? Sure. Honour doesn’t keep the lights on or the kids in childcare. Decades of study, hours of fieldwork, and often the only payment is the satisfaction of knowing you’ve caused a property developer or a state government a lot of headaches.
Chilli works part-time at the airport, mostly in security. It’s another important job that’s often overlooked and undervalued by society at large.
Which is why most parents, who’d be well aware that the average household income in Australia is roughly $125,000, are left wondering how the family can afford to live in Brisbane’s Red Hill/Paddington area, where a thoughtfully renovated 200sqm Queenslander would set you back a neat $2m at the very, very least.
It’s a secret that the show’s producers and creator have kept close — until now.
In a soon-to-be-released special 28-minute episode, Bandit and Chilli will be revealed as the masterminds behind a humble but extremely profitable cannabis cultivation empire.
“Being a part-time sniffer dog and a dog that loves to dig up bones, that makes for a great story,” said one producer on the condition of anonymity.
“But as the show got more popular, we understood that it sets an unrealistic and potentially damaging expectation that you can have a nice and fulfilling life by following your dreams, especially as a creative person. So, in that respect, we had to get creative. We had to find a way to make their life possible with the household income they have.”
Ideas like Bandit driving at night delivering cocaine in Fortitude Valley in the family’s nondescript orange Jeep were floated but were ultimately passed on for being too gauche.
Another idea had Chilli being the recipient of a large inheritance, but that too was scrapped for putting an unrealistic expectation on elderly relatives to pass away quickly and cheaply, blowing all their money on aged care.
“So we decided on them growing marijuana. It’s a victimless crime that essentially is a community service. They launder the money at the Broncos down the road in the pokies. Sometimes, they get paid in Monero, which they then use to buy Bitcoin and run their expenses through a crypto debit card. They also have solar panels and a Tesla Powerwall to make sure they keep their energy usage at normal levels,” the producer continued.
“Some money is paid through to a private archaeological consulting firm, and income tax is paid on that, again, to keep suspicions low. It’s a really simple and easy way to make money. Stressful, yes, but you can live a good life.”
More to come.
