ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
With the Swans set to host Port Adelaide in a crucial semi-final at the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) this Friday, asset manager and self-confessed South Melbourne tragic Tom Kingston has begun his hunt for an Members card and a Swans scarf to borrow.
Despite having minimal interest in AFL for most of the year, Kingston has decided now is the perfect time to get amongst the action and muck in with the other Swans supporters.
“It’s finals time, mate! Gotta represent!” he said, despite not knowing a single player on the Swans’ roster, nor being able to identify what position they play.
Witnesses say Kingston was spotted sending frantic WhatsApp messages to various mates asking for tickets and trying to figure out which team the Swans were playing.
“Does anyone have a spare SCG members card or a Swans scarf I can borrow for the game?” he reportedly texted three group chats, following it up with a quick Google search of AFL rules just in case someone expected him to know what was going on during the game.
“SCG games are where it’s at, I always go. But I need to be in Members with my mates or else it’s not really worth going,” Kingston said, despite his last SCG visit being during the Sydney Test in 2018 when he left after the lunch break because he was hungover and his feet hurt.
“I just need a mate to sort me out with the card. I reckon I’ll be sorted soon, though. People usually pull through for me on these things,” he said, before quietly checking whether Port Adelaide played in the AFL or Big Bash.
As the search continues, Kingston is confident he’ll be at the game come Friday night, dressed head to toe in borrowed Swans merch, ready to throw out a few “yeah, mate” responses to whoever mentions Callum Mills’ injury.
More to come.
