ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Celebrity billionaire Andrew ‘Twiggy’ Forrest has acquired another iconic Australian business this week as he completes the purchase of Ansell, the beloved and iconic manufacturer of the nation’s favourite flavoured condoms.
Mr Forrest informed the market of the surprise move earlier today in Perth, where he outlined that keeping jobs in Australia and making sure brands like RM Williams, Akubra and Ansell live long into the future.
Last year, Mr Forrest completed the purchase of lifestyler RM Williams and popular hatmaker Akubra, making him one of the largest and most influential fashion house owners in Perth.
It’s understood by The Advocate that disgraced but colourful West Australian political identity Troy Buswell will be made the new Ansell boss as the company looks to move their headquarters to our nation’s prosperous West.
“For decades, Australians have loved flavoured condoms and this acquisition is about making sure that love doesn’t have to come to an end,” said Mr Twiggy.
“From Watermelon Wave to Bodacious Banana, Australians love Ansell’s Flavoured Condom 20-Pack because it’s the ultimate invitation to a world of delightful intimacy. Generations have explored a symphony of flavours that have ignited passions and elevated their moments of connection. Each condom is carefully crafted to add a delectable twist to your love life. The high-quality, premium latex ensures both pleasure and protection, making every encounter a celebration of taste and desire. It’s helped unleash your adventurous side and made you savour the spice of passion – because love should always be a feast for the senses.”
A reporter asked Mr Twiggy what the over flavours were in the 20-pack, which triggered a soft chuckled from the Living Australian Treasure.
“Well, I’m glad you asked,” he said.
“Picture the succulent allure of Strawberry Seduction, a burst of luscious sweetness igniting the flames of desire, or the rich, velvety decadence of Chocolate Bliss that takes pleasure to unparalleled heights. Immerse yourself in Minty Mischief, where a cool and refreshing sensation adds a playful twist to your most intimate moments, or succumb to the sultry, golden embrace of Caramel Caress that leaves you craving more with every encounter,”
“Indulge in the exotic allure of Passionfruit Paradise, creating a tropical escape for you and your partner, or experience the classic, smooth sophistication of Vanilla Velvet that adds a touch of elegance to your romantic rendezvous. Let the sweet and tangy allure of Cherry Charm captivate your senses, while the fun and fruity Bodacious Banana bring a playful energy to the bedroom. Dive into the succulent essence of ripe peaches with Peach Pleasure, awakening your senses in a juicy embrace, and embrace the tart and tantalising notes of Raspberry Rapture for an unforgettable taste of sensual passion,”
“Ignite a fiery connection with the warm and spicy allure of Cinnamon Spice, creating a sizzling encounter, and transport yourself to a tropical paradise with the exotic flavour of Coconut Crave, turning each moment into an island escape. Ride the wave of refreshing Watermelon Wave, adding a splash of summery bliss to your intimate connection, and let the sweet and exotic taste of Mango Magic cast a spell of enchantment over your romantic endeavours,”
“Experience the sweet and sexually tart allure of Blueberry Bliss, creating a burst of flavour with every touch, and indulge in the rich and fruity pleasure of Grape Delight, elevating your intimate experiences to new heights. Savour the nutty goodness of Hazelnut Heaven, adding a touch of sophistication to your passionate encounters, and awaken your senses with the zesty and invigorating flavor of Lemon Love, creating a vibrant connection,”
“Dive into the tropical sweetness of Pineapple Passion, transforming your moments into a paradise of pleasure, and fuel your desires with the robust and intoxicating aroma of Coffee Crave, bringing a bold and passionate edge to your intimacy. This 20-pack is not just a collection of flavours; it’s an invitation to a world where love is a feast for the senses, a journey of discovery, and a celebration of the diverse and delectable palette of pleasure,”
“Any more questions before I bring Troy up here?”
Each reporter shook their head.
More to come.
