ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local woman has committed to ruining the only day her mother truly enjoys by telling her uncle that cricketing Jesus Don Bradman was actually extremely racist and anti-Catholic and because of that, he deserves to be posthumously cancelled.
As for why she wants to disturb the uneasy peace between her and under Uncle Fred, local woman Denise Taylor said she wasn’t about to let some simple flu ruin Christmas.
“If anything is going to spoil Mum’s big day, then it’s going to be me,” she says.
“But don’t cry for my Uncle Fred. He used to wind me up when I was little, saying we needed to machine gun asylum seekers in the water and really gross things like that,”
“So he can show us all how grown up and funny he thinks he is by remaining calm and composed when I tell him that Don Bradman was a racist piece of shit and doesn’t deserve to be held up in such high esteem just because he had really good hand-eye coordiantion,”
“So, uh, yeah. If he want to debate me on it, then he can go right ahead but I just know he’s going to have a tantrum about it and end up storming off up the road or something,”
“Mum will look at me and just ask me why I can’t be normal like other girls and just be nice. Dad will try to act like he’s angry at me but I know he doesn’t really give a fuck. He’d think it was funny because he always used to say it was a good thing that Australia didn’t have guns because if we did, Uncle Fred would’ve shot up a post office or something before turning the gun on himself. That’d upset Mum but deep down she’d know it was true. Dad’s pretty funny like that,”
“But back to this Christmas, it’s always good to cause a bit of drama. We can’t all be the Brady Bunch.”
More to come.
