EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
It can now be confirmed that the world misses when billionaires flexed their wealth by building hospitals, universities and libraries, instead of just interfering with politics and saying stupid edgelord shit online.
Speaking to resident Betoota stoner, known simply as yoga Pete, The Advocate discovers more about this supposed ‘social contract’, rich families used to abide by, and why we need to start bringing it back.
“Look, I’m not saying rich people were ever angels, but I feel like there was a bit of a social contract to give back”, explains Pete, “and in return, you get to have a huge building with your name on it so everyone can see how awesome you are.”
“I miss when rich people were into architecture and shit, you know?”
Pete goes on to explain that there needs to be something in it for billionaires to part with their money, as they’re not going to donate from their goodness of their own heart.
“What people don’t understand is that billionaires don’t think and operate like normal people do”, says Pete, “We all like to think we’d all be philanthropic if we had that much money, but you don’t become a billionaire without exploiting a lot of people.”
“It doesn’t matter if they have more money than they can spend in multiple lifetimes. It’s all about the ego.”
“After a certain point, I don’t think it even becomes about money anymore – it’s keeping the highest score.”
Pete, however, has a proposed solution for both appeasing billionaire’s egos whilst still benefitting society.
“How about when you reach a billion dollars, you start getting really taxed but you get a monument built of you in return.”
“And the more you make, the more you donate, so your monument gets bigger and more customised. Like unlocking an avatar when you level up in a video game. Or you could make the statue’s cock bigger.”
“And then you’ll have all these billionaires competing to donate the most money to have the biggest monument with the juiciest girthiest schlong.”
“It would 100% work.”
More to come.
