WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
In the face of a looming financial crisis, the backdrop of prolonged global conflict and to the sound of some much needed national pride on our TVs – Melbourne has done the most Melbourne shit ever.
With the news cycle as crowded as it’s ever been, the great southern city of Melbourne has once again tried to make it all about them.
Fresh off the back of making themselves the lockdown capital of the world for some reason unbeknownst to the rest of the country, Melbourne is now trying to carry on about the lamest earthquake ever.
This comes after reports broke this morning that a 4.0 magnitude quake hit Woods Point, a little town about 100kms away from the capital.
The quake was upgraded to 4.1 before being downgraded to 3.9, because it felt like someone jackhammering for a split second in a neighbouring property.
The SES said no buildings or infrastructure have been reported as damaged, however it’s believe a piece of Geoff Kennet’s nice china fell out of one of the rooms in his Surrey Hills mansion.
That shocking breaking of a lovely bit of porcelain has sent tremors through the capital and the state, who say they’ve only just got over the trauma of the lockdowns.
“Seriously, you don’t understand,” said Brunswick terrace house resident Amethyst Wilson.
“Like that was so fucking triggering for us.”
“And the earthquakes are just bring back the worst memories.”
“You just get what lockdown was like. It was so much worse for us.”
“We couldn’t leave our house, there were like tanks and helicopters on the street and sometimes we couldn’t get food delivery from our favourite restaurants.”
“Just talking about has made me anxious.”
The interview was then ended.
More to come.
