ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A holidaying young man has spoken of how well he played today at the Lake Betoota Golf Club this afternoon despite leaving his clubs back home in the French Quarter.
Faced with hiring a set, local 18-handicap Mark Goonley told reporters that he wasn’t prepared to set the course alight like he did today. Despite the adversity he faced, he managed to get back to the clubhouse with 39 stableford points.
“I might take these clubs home with me,” said the 35-year-old salesman at Kidman Brothers Toyota.
“I mean, what are they? This driver has ten inches of offset, it’s something you’d give to a stroke patient. But I couldn’t miss with it. I found every fairway with a nice, soft draw that rolled out. I’d be lucky to hit half my fairways at home with my Cobra F9. Seriously. This Callaway Warbird. It was like I was cheating. It would not go any way other than straight. I couldn’t believe it.”
“But what really got me up and about were these old Wilson cavities. Look at them, grooves worn back to the face. Not much offset. Grips on them that look like a sunburnt pom’s back. That 4 iron, I was getting that up to 180m. Off the deck. I’ve got a full set of 921 Hot Metal Pros, and I can’t even get 180m out of my 5 iron. I got used balls out of the bargain bin, and we’re picking tees up off the ground.”
“The only good club in the bag is that Vokey 60, and guess what? Nah, couldn’t hit that thing to save my life. [laughs] If only it was 25 years old and some weird brand like Adams or Cobra. Speaking of Cobra, they have this random pitching wedge in there. It’s a Cobra that someone’s obviously put down and left there. I hit my approach at the 18th to 2 feet with it. In front of these old codgers having a beer on the deck near the green. They fucking clapped me. They waited until I was walking up, and they fucking clapped me. Six old guys. Nothing better. Well, actually, the putter is the best I’ve ever used. I’m going to buy it. Everyone has a price. I’ve got no idea what it is, but whatever it is, it’s fucking unbelievable. I had 20 putts over 18 holes today. What’s the go?”
Mr. Goonley then asked for another honk on The Advocate’s staff vape and went back inside to fetch another half dozen middies.
More to come.
