EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A Betoota Heights local has today come across as a bit of a dickhead, when his bank statements revealed a slew of idiotically named transfers and the odd $300 withdrawal from his local Night Owl.
It’s alleged Mike Peterson [32], and his misso had finally managed to scrimp together enough savings for a 20% home deposit, after several years of hard saving and a few lucky crypto investments.
Ready to finally be a part of the real adult club, Mike had made his way to a local mortgage broker in the hopes of securing a better deal, considering he did have a few blips on his credit history – including stupidly purchasing a Jeep in his early twenties.
And as interest rates are rumoured to rise, Mike wants to get in as quickly as possible, so he too could be locked in for the rest of his life.
With eyes on a dumpy bungalow a mere 45 minutes from his work, Mike and Claire were ready to throw in their convenient inner-city rental life in favour of becoming homeowners, opting for a fixed rate and a 30-year loan term, so they wouldn’t run the risk of mortgage stress.
Though it will cost them an extra $160K for the convenience. But to get approved for a home loan, Mike’s been asked to provide the last three months of bank statements – which, unfortunately for him, includes a bunch of stupidly named bank transfers from his mates, such as ‘U R A DUMB CNT’, ‘Dildo refund’ and ‘lube for your butt’ – though surprisingly, not a single drug reference.
Sheepishly handing over his statements, Mike sincerely hopes his broker has a good sense of humour and that his track record of paying rent on time can be enough of a good character reference. More to come.
