EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
A local bloke has had to resort to some pretty desperate tactics in the dating arena after attempts at conversing with strangers went largely ignored.
Matthew Fitzgerald-Gibbs [25] is alleged to have gone out with his friends to the prominent nightspot ‘Night Shift’, with the sole intention of meeting a lovely lady.
But as he’d put the feelers out to any girl within a five-metre vicinity, Matthew found himself edging closer and closer to the 3 am cutoff, with a $250 hole in his pocket and without so much as an Instagram handle.
Peering hopelessly around the bar, Matthew eventually caught the eye of a bored-looking girl, who likely just wanted to go the fuck home instead of talking to a stranger.
However, sensing that he’d have to do a little more than just a cursory ‘how are you?’, Matthew decided to pull out all the stops and flash his decently sized crypto portfolio.
“IT’S THE WAY OF THE FUTURE ”, shouts Matthew, as he struggles to be heard over the pulsating beats of EDM, “everyone will be using it.”
“I got on eth really early.”
“That’s Ethereum haha.”
“Bought in at $300.”
“The trick is buying on the dip, I go hard every time XRP falls because it’s sooooo volatile.”
“I bought a bit of Shiba as a joke, and it fucking skyrocketed.”
“But like, for your first time, you should definitely aim for something more stable.”
Although Matthew’s attempts at flirting proved unsuccessful, he was later seen bumming a cigarette in the smoker’s area and chatting to some older bloke about cannabis technology.
More to come.
