EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
With nothing much to do this week, local bloke James Reynolds has decided to try something he heard about after going through Joe Rogan’s most popular podcasts.
As someone who likes to jump on bandwagons or, in his words, ‘try something new’, listening to Joe has had James dabbling in multiple experiments, including intermittent fasting, trying to get his hands on age prolonging diabetes drug, ‘metformin’ and now, a carnivore diet.
It’s said this new way of life had piqued James’s interest, as it appealed to the side of him that felt the need to overcompensate by being extra manly.
This is said to have been spurred by the slowly but surely receding hairline he spotted in the mirror, which was his first real sign of aging, and therefore forcing him to confront his mortality – hence, the sudden need to get ripped, a.k.a the Jason Statham.
And as someone who loved nothing more than a good steak, having an excuse to forego vegetables greatly attracted him to the extreme diet, which boasted such benefits as weight loss, muscle gain and mood issues.
But this new change in lifestyle has reportedly not endeared him to his roommates, who complain that using the bathroom after James is ‘something straight out of a horror movie.’
Chatting to one such roommate, our reporter learns that James’s new bowel habits are so bad, they’ve had to stage an intervention.
“It smells like a dead animal carcass that’s been left to ferment in a sewer in 45-degree heat”, says Imogen.
“Imagine that, three times a day.”
More to come.
