WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Federal Government has today come out to defend its signature new social media policy.
While it continues to sit on its hands regarding a number of other social issues that effect our kids, the government has confirmed that a social media ban is the number one priority.
“We need to stop kids being influenced poorly in such an important stage of their development,” said the Prime Minister this morning.
“Not by making sure they aren’t constantly bombarded by aggressive gambling ads that normalise the collective national losses of 10s of billions of dollars every year.”
“Or by stopping them from going into juvenile detention facilities where they have their entire perspective on life altered.”
“Or from properly funding education for kids whose parent’s can’t afford for them to go to a nice school.”
“But by making sure they have to get a VPN or whatever to skirt around the social media ban that us and the coalition will be bringing in.”
This comes after questions have been raised as to how exactly this proposed ban on social media platforms for kids under the age of 14 will actually work.
“Haha, that’s not a question for me,” laughed Albanese.
“The guys in IT will sort that stuff out.”
When pressed on why kids should be hammered with gambling ads but not brain rot videos of animated cats doing weird shit, Albanese sighed.
“Look, the gambling industry is much nicer to the the political and media classes than the social media giants,” he said.
“And we can already see that these young voters are being radicalised by minor parties suggesting things like home ownership being a human right.”
“So it’s time to put an end to this.”
