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With the 2021 Census taking place tonight, the Australian Bureau Of Statistics has warned the public that a lot of people might take offense at some of the questions surround religion.
“We apologise reservedly” said a spokesperson for the ABS this afternoon.
“We know that there is many more religions in Australia than the 7 options we provided”
“But unfortunately this one came from above, and by that we don’t mean it came from God”
“It came from a man, who admittedly thinks he’s not far off a God”
With no options for respondents to fill out OTHER in the questions surrounding religiosity in Australia, the Bureau Of Statistics says that Prime Minister Scott Morrison has demanded that the 2021 Census only offer seven different variations of Christianity to choose from.
The 7 religions listed on the 2021 Census are as follows:
Christian
Christian (but like the wog Christian with all the red eggs and
the breaking plates, dancing etc etc)
Hillsong
Kinda Hillsong
Pentecostal (you go to a church similar to Hillsong)
Catholic (boring lol)
Protestant (that’s better)
The religions of Hindu, Islam, Judaism and Buddhism have all been omitted from this year’s census, a decision that appears to match up perfectly with the current government’s immigration policies.
With the data surround Australian religion extremely crucial in the Parliamentary decision making surrounding school and health funding, the Prime Minister’s decision warp the statistics surrounding the popularity of his chosen brand of Pentecostalism looks a lot like free playgrounds and car parks for Brian Houston and the boys.
It is believed the Catholic faction of the Prime Minister’s own government are not impressed with their religion being labelled as ‘boring’ – but they do admit that they ‘would prefer happy clappers to mussies’.
However, the ABS said both Scotty and his right-hand-man Stuart Robert MP would not budge on their demands that three of the 7 options offered
“It’s like they look at modern Australia and don’t like what they see” said the ABS spokesperson.
“So they are lying to themselves about what Australia is”
The Census questions surrounding ethnicities and race are also believed to attract criticism, after the Prime Minister intervened to make sure there were only two options: ‘White’ and ‘Liberal-voting Asian’.
