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Melbourne’s greatest ever house party host, Corey Worthington is back baby.
Having drifted from the headlines in recent years, it seems tonight is as good as any night for him to make a return – still flanked by his metrosexual 2000s-era mates with frosted tips and Rip Curl singlets.
Australia’s favourite delinquent teenager, who is almost definitely no longer a teenager, has reportedly dusted off the fluffy hoodie and those bad boy yellow sunnies ahead of an epic house party at the strike of midnight tonight.
This follows the state government’s announcement that Victorians will be able to host up to five visitors in their homes and meet outdoors in groups of 10 from 11:59PM tonight, under the state’s first relaxation of coronavirus restrictions.
Under the changes, “visiting family and friends” will become a fifth reason for Victorians to leave their homes, bringing joy to Melbourne’s boomers who have had to go almost three months without being able to call in a noise complaint on young people.
In what is being described by Premier Daniel Andrews chance to give Victorians a break from Sam Newman’s fucking whingeing, residents will now also be able to go hiking, play golf, provided physical distancing is maintained.
“Tonight, we are just gonna test things out” said Andrews today.
“We don’t wanna see any out of control riots or anything, these parties should be strictly classed as gatherings, or gathos as the kids call them”
“We trust everyone will abide by these new rules”
Corey Worthington says Andrews has nothing to worry about.
“Haha. Yeah. It’ll be a gatho alright” he chuckles with a wink.
“A gatho that ends up on A Current Affair”
“Hold up, let me update my Myspace page”
Experts do not expect these new privileges will see a reduction in the conspiracists protesting against 5G and vaccines on Parliament steps, mainly because these protestors don”t appear to be the type of people that get invited anywhere except for protests.
