LOUIS BOURKE | Culture | Contact
40 years later and Footloose 2 is finally here although lovers of traditional movies may be disappointed.
Instead of a young Kevin Bacon moving to a town where dancing and rock music are banned, every youth in America are facing the prospect of a TikTok ban after US congress issues the Chinese app with a sell or get out ultimatum.
Thanks to Netflix, young people understand just how bad an ultimatum is and are surely preparing some debate winning Bible verses to protect TikTok, even if they have to do it in-person like a caveman.
Although the global superpower (who is our best friend even then we’re not their best friend) openly brags about their world wide surveillance efforts, they’d really prefer if others would not do unto them what they do others.
At the time of writing, the only thing that suggests that China is using TikTok as a surveillance tool is the guilty conscience of the USA who are probably aware of which app you are using to read this right now.
This, as well as the growing acceptance that China might be better than America at all the things America used to be the best at.
“I hate TikTok more than TikTok hates America!” stated US congressman/sheriff Teddy Gabblehorn, holding the traditional revolver that states it is his turn to talk.
“Already TikTok has led to the humiliation of many Americans, as users have made decades worth of videos featuring the systemic failings of our education system! They’re making us look like idiots! Now pass me the app so I can shoot it!”
If made a law in Congress, the proposed TikTok ban will be presented in the USA Senate which if successful will be hand delivered by the traditional birthday boy to the Supreme Court who will then pass it through on pigeon back to the hall of the Winged Men of Justice who are obliged to wake the Founding Fathers from their slumber and eat the bill with ketchup to make it law, following which, Australia will promptly do the same.
But if there was one lesson that America’s conservative policymakers didn’t learn 40 years ago, you simply cannot stop young people from taking part in 60-180 second dancing trends.
