WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Sydney man is in hell right now, it can be confirmed.
With his first Saturday of freedom rolling round after a long winter of lockdown, Brad Clifton is currently hopping from mattress to couch in some home depot supercentre shit hole.
“Fuck,” he sighed to one of our southern reporters, as he took some reprieve on an overpriced mattress in a random homewares store.
“You know how people say this meeting or phone call could have been an email? This could have been a 10 minute online order.”
“One of those Koala mattresses that are always chucked into my feed, couch as well if we want, delivered to the door, no dramas,” he sighed to us.
Clifton then sighed heavily before trying to get up and failing.
The trip came about after he ambitiously promised to do a Saturday morning shopping outing a few hours after wrapping up a good old fashioned pub session, with his girlfriend – who is quite enjoying the amount of self-inflicted pain he was in.
“I’m sorry, I’m just busted. I got excited on my first Friday night at the pub in a long time – as I should – and I’m hurting.”
“Bad.”
“This is the very opposite of spending my freedom wisely,” he said.
“The only thing saving me is the air conditioning.”
“I don’t know why I agreed to this, and I don’t know why my girlfriend is taking such pleasure in dragging me from store to store.”
“Everytime she sees me struggling she just smiles and says, come on, have a look at this one.”
“I gotta spew, I think I’m just gonna Koala this shit in the toilets and give myself an excuse to get out of here.”
