WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The State government of NSW has today quietly updated one of its ‘signature pieces of environmental policy.’
Speaking to The Advocate in a hushed voice, the government revealed they are making a key change to the Great Koala National Park (GKNP).
Instead of moving to ratify the end of logging in the invaluable national park like they promised to do, the Minns Government has just decided to shift the goal posts on conservation.
“Yeah, we are actually just gonna update the name to the Below Average Largely De-Forested Koala National Park,” explained NSW Environment Minister Penny Sharpe.
“Just to manage everyone’s expectations a bit if you know what I mean.”
This comes as the NSW government continues to do the bare Minns on protecting our cute, furry, national icons – by allowing the Forestry Corporation to pillage the GKNP.
Although the estimated value of Koalas to the country is worth billions and the NSW Forestry Corporation is somehow bleeding hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars, the NSW government is still yet to do anything about its promise to stop logging the absolute fuck out of the aptly named GKNP.
Despite the fact the previous Liberal Government committed to shutting down logging in GKNP, the Labor party has only vaguely made a promise to make an announcement about the area of rainforest a ‘bit later this year.’
“Everyone needs to just chill, we are just doing a bit of weeding in there,” laughed Environment Minister Sharpe.
“Besides, we locked off a big chunk of the park for no logging,” she continued, referencing the 5% of the total area of the GKNP that was saved from logging.
When pressed on when they will commit to ending logging in the park for good, Sharpe just shrugged.
“When someone makes us, I guess.”
The aptly named mattress and furniture brand Koala was also contacted for comment, saying; “ Mate, our furry namesakes being on the Endangered Species List is a travesty.”
“We want ’em off, and soon!”
“Sign this petition to try and help us save the GKNP and the Koalas would ya: https://bit.ly/save-the-koalas-ba”
