FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Local hipster Archimedes (no last name) has made the difficult decision to retire his Remington Imperial typewriter and replace it with an IBM Selectric, a decision that has made his peers question his devotion to the hipster lifestyle.
“It was cool at first, all the other students in my Craft Beer Label Design lectures loved the constant whack-whack-whack-whack-ding noises while they were trying to focus on the powerpoint slides, but it’s just become too cliched.”
“I once saw someone else using an Imperial on the train before he was beaten to death with it by a man who was trying to sleep. At that point I knew it was time to move on to something more unique because the thought that someone else could be using the same thing just proves that I had become complacent and was in danger of becoming mainstream.”
“I do find the Selectric is a much easier machine to use, and the other students seem to like it, even though sometimes I have to unplug the data projector to plug it in. Although it needs electricity I can still use it on the bus; I just bring along a small steam-powered generator.”
Archimedes friend, October Twenty8, said he was not sure Archimedes would be able to pull it off.
“It’s not very hipster to have an electric typewriter is it? It’s too convenient. Personally I submit my assignments on Dymo tape stuck on the side of a Vespa scooter because you can tell it was extremely annoying to do. I mean, he still lives in a converted shipping container on a decommissioned oil rig, makes drum and bass music entirely out of vintage vending machine noise samples and eats vegetables nobody else has heard of but I dunno man.”
“I reckon he’s sold out. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time I see him at the pop-up fondue bar he’s upgraded his rotary-dial mobile phone.”
