WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The man who operates under the technical title of Australia’s Sovereign is today wincing his way through security on the way back to the great dreary shithole of the United Kingdom.
This comes after King Charlie gave himself a severe case of British Rock Lobster yesterday afternoon while enjoy a few celebratory beverages on Cooooo Geeeeee (sic) beach.
With a big few days of having to deal with the uncivilised citizens of his largest colony now behind him, Charles and Camilla decided to head down to Little Britain to unwind.
Traversing a path worn into the sand by many before them, the Royal couple decided to binge drink on the shores of the Coogee Bay Hotel.
However, like so many before them, the pair underestimated the power of the Great Southern Light Bulb, failing to adequately sun screen up while powering through a case of Magners and some fish and chips.
To add insult to injury, King Charlie fell asleep with an empty bottle of Magners in his hand while the dying rays of the sun put the final sizzle on his skin.
Speaking to The Advocate from the airport in Sydney, the heat struck, hungover, sunburnt Pom explained the current predicament he finds himself in.
“Fucckeennnnn elllllll man,” he winced, after shifting in his shit.
“The sun is mental down here.”
“I’ve laid out in the day plenty of times in places like Shagalouf and Majorca, but never been burnt like that.”
“Shower was fucking excccruciatttingggggggg last night.”
“Hell of a place this country through.”
“That beer garden at the CBH, my oh my, do not mind that at all.”
“Now I’ve got a long haul flight to catch with my skin absolutely on fire.”
“Lovely.”
