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An Englishmen living on Australian soil has reportedly just caught up on the news cycle, shockingly discovering that Donald Trump avoided an assassination attempt on Sunday!
As Englishmen around the world spent the weekend absolutely obliterating beers in the lead up to the European Cup Final, many somehow went over 24 hours before finding out that their friends across the pond had reached new heights of insanity.
As reality starts to set in that England’s 58 year trophy drought will continue, drinking in pubs reached a fever pitch as the final whistle blew after a 24 hour pre drinking session.
Upon defeat, many Brits found it only natural to continue drinking.
Fergus Hull, from one of those Northern English towns said this weekend was a great chance to get back in touch with his culture.
“Yeah mate, all in all it was a great weekend. Over one hundred beers, two fights, and one brawl, CMON ENGLAND,” he said.
“Oh yeah we didn’t win, but to be fair no one really believed that was ever gonna happen,” said Fergus, now finally sober enough to talk to The Advocate.
After yet another easy route to the final handed to them on a silver platter, the English lost to Spain yesterday morning, after coming up against their first tough opponent they played this whole tournament.
When asked about the recent news from America, the Englishman gave a look of confusion.
“Mate I’ve been blind all weekend, I had no clue what’s goin’ on until this morning!” he laughed.
After pulling out his phone to see what all the fuss was about, Fergus was shocked to discover that former president Donald Trump was lightly grazed on the ear after a failed assassination attempt.
“Them bloody American’s they’re well crazy aren’t they” Fergus commented before quickly jumping back into a feed filled with memes about sacking Gareth Southgate.
