KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A big four accountant is on the march this morning, as he makes his way into his CBD office to crunch some numbers.
Strutting through the downtown finance district at 9:10am this morning, witnesses say local taxation consultant Simon Withers (31) was parading with the air of diligence usually displayed by White House security guards or ex-servicemen who escort American Presidents onto Air Force One.
Stopping by the busy grab-n-go coffee joint, Crazy Beans, it’s understood Simon’s morning routine was punctuated by a quick visit to pick up breakfast, before his day in his open plan office.
Purchasing a stale ham and cheese croissant and a large flat white, it’s believed Simon’s breakfast boasted just about as much excitement as the financial reports he had to dispatch today.
With his shirt freshly ironed, and hair freshly concreted into place, Simon let everyone in the downtown cafe know that he was a super senior spreadsheet filler, by letting his royal access card dangle from a heavy duty lanyard attached to his belt loop.
“I know it makes me look like a total wanker, but it’s really handy,” Simon confessed to The Advocate. “You try navigating a sky-rise corporate office with high security, this lanyard on my hip is like my cowboy pistol, it’s always ready to fire!”
A career professional, who’s recently revived indoor soccer as a lunchtime activity at Deloitte’s Betoota office, Simon told our reporter his big fancy lanyard was all part of the job.
“I deal in pretty confidential stuff you know, that’s why my building has four thick-headed security guards on the front desk.”
“And you try telling them that you lost your lanyard to get into the building, go on I dare you!”
“I’d honestly rather walk around looking like I know nuclear launch codes than fill out the paperwork for another one.”
More to come.
