LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
A rare pandemic-era visit to a restaurant was absolutely cocked up earlier today as diner Sophie Cluck (26) ordered something she could have easily made at home.
As one of the almost one million people who lost their job due to CoronaVirus, Cluck has not had the funds to visit a restaurant and has hardly had the time considering how much of a fuckaround some of the sign in measures are.
Yesterday in a rare series of events, Cluck found herself inside an actual real life restaurant during the most stressful and alienating time of her life.
Unfortunately for Cluck things took a tragic turn when she ordered spaghetti bolognese, a meal she regularly makes for herself for a fraction of the price.
“I hadn’t been around people, I was talking and when they asked if I was ready to order I panicked,” stated Cluck as she looked down at an expensive plate of fuck you.
“If I’d have remembered I have pasta and tinned tomatoes at home I wouldn’t have ordered it.”
“And if I remembered I have mince thawing in the sink I definitely would not have ordered it. FUCK!”
When asked if she at least enjoyed her home-style restaurant-priced meal, Cluck stated she did but that it does not change the fact it is spaghetti bolognese.
“Ravioli tastes the best when some other fuck has wasted their life making it. Spag bowl [sic] is not exactly a woodfired pizza is it? I’m never making one of those at home, no matter how many Aldi wood-fired ovens I buy.”
