2 August, 2016 12:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Thousands of media-hungry, physically attractive and well-mannered Australian adults have today vowed to list Betoota, QLD as their hometown in the upcoming August 9th Census.
In a show of national unity. The Betoota Advocate has today been informed by droves of readers that the once booming inland port of Betoota will now be listed as one of the fastest growing Australian towns in the 2016 Census.
Die-hard Betoota Advocate reader and part-time meme-maker, William ‘Razorhawk’ Tootham says he was the architect behind the now viral hashtag #MakeBetootaGreatAgain.
“I did it because I want to disrupt the system. It’s time people started focusing on what really matters,”
“Localism means a lot to me. And I have always been a resident of Betoota – in my mind and in my heart.”
“The ABS (Australian Bureau Of Statistics) is gonna get so rekt.”
Local mayor, Councillor Keith Carton says its about time Betoota’s population was documented properly.
“For years we’ve had a lot of people dodging the Census,” he said, while skinning a Kangaroo in the shared kitchen of his mayoral office.
“Mainly because most of them want to keep their noses clean. They think that taking part in Census will alert the authorities as to their wherabouts. Which it probably would to be honest,”
“But this year, a lot of the young people are getting involved. Hopefully we can finally reach ‘City’ status’ again”.
This won’t be the first time Betoota, QLD has been listed as a ‘City’.
According to the British Commonwealth:
The association between having a cathedral and being called a city was established in the early 1540s when King Henry VIII founded dioceses – the practice continued well into the late 1800’s before the criteria changed to include emerging superpowers outside the British Commonwealth
Of the commonwealth settlements to be granted “City-Status” in those three hundred or so years, one of the first in Australia was a little town in the Queensland Channel Country by the name of Betoota – the first inland settlement to do so.
However, this title was stripped during their embarrassing bid for the 2000 Olympics in the early nineties.
Carton says that he hopes the Federal Government have gotten over the controversy of their failed bid, which left our nation open to international ridicule, before the gong was handed to Sydney, NSW.
“They weren’t real guns. But yeah, they were real roos – and we shouldn’t have gotten to the Betoota primary schoolchildren involved,”
“Hopefully this 2016 Census puts us back on the map,”
Councillor Keith Carton and the Betoota Advocate gleefully encourage all residents and readers to ensure they list ‘Betoota, QLD’ as their place of residence in the 2016 Census.
If you are like most Queenslanders, and throw every bit of Government mail in the bin before even opening it, you can fill your form out online: http://www.abs.gov.au/websitedbs/censushome.nsf/home/getonline
I, for one, have not ventured out of the Betoota city limits since dad took us to Macca’s in Townsville on the way to Nana’s when I was five. As the boys and I always say, “..what has the world got to offer Betoota that Betoota can’t offer the world..” Except uni probably some other stuff that’s not important.
Advance Betoota Fair.